hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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