I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
