I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
