No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
