Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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