I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will be naked everywhere
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
