Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
