Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
