I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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