My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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