and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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