You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
