My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Little spoons don't ask big questions
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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