thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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