Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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