My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
