Having a random hookup so left but love u
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
