it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can I color on your dick again?
Rumble strips road head = magical
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize