what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
