we're making bets on your personal life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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