That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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