just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
