my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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