I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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