i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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