So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
