yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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