He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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