"it" just moved
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
