They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
