There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
