11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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