When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
