Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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