i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
