none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You are the jesus of drinking
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
