I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
