Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My pussy is not your playground.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
