She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
