4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The air was thick with penises
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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