At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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