You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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