I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
