you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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