just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
