Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
