I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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