Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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