I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize