Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
