haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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