This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
