my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
