I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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