Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
