I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
