you have to choose: penises or morals?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
