you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
