Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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