at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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