If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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