My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
