why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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