The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
