In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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