Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
