I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
