The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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