I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
